"I can't think anymore, Tisyia! Everything was just dark, I really wish to just..die."
"..Sis. Dad was being of what every father would do. Of course he was shocked hearing that you suddenly will go to Australia with Carl."
"But I almost got the chance.."
"Chance of what?"
"Other side of the world! To travel there!"
Silent sealed my lips. I knew all too well that my big sister felt left out from all of our traveling around the places- she wasn't with us those times. She had no choiced but to stay behind because of her mother that always had strong control on her. And so of course when the chance of traveling with her dearest person- Carl, full name Khalid to Australia was her golden ticket of the lifetime. Firstly Carl had invited her last November, but my sister declined the offer (with hesitation) and said our father might not letting her. But as the affection and loving boyfriend he is, he ignored her declines and ordered the tickets.
That was where she finally changed her mind and did most of the pasports change by herself.
Which it turned into an utter bloody event when my sister called our father at the last minute to go to the Airport.
And here she is, crying in front of me. Letting every of her sorrows out at me once again.
It may be sounded totally ridiculous to any one. But to us and mostly my sister, it was not. Why?
No one can understand our pain, what it was to be like to have a very broken family in the first place. To be imprison inside our own cage, to be stranded away from all the possible and horrible truth we couldn't faced.
We both once had a broken family- and we knew what it felt like.. to be wanted for free to the skies.
Thats what makes me and my sister getting to each other in such a short time- we both faced the same thing.
I know she wanted to be free just like me, but.. It's just her actions... was. Wrong. I can't make her noticed that just yet. Because here, she was all broken and needed to let her feelings out.
"I don't want to be in that prison again!" she indicted a place where she lived with her mom as a 'home' and cried on me as she carrying out her sorrow that she kept inside. I kept myself still and looking down at her as she continued, "All my life been imprisoned! And not even my mom wanted to hug me or comfort me! She always fought with me and I'm tired!"
"..everything happens for a reason.." I quietly said to her and gently held her hand. She pursed her lips, "..what for I'm living here making people happy but I'm not?" more tears builing up in the bridge of her eyes, "..I wish to turn back.. To undo all those wrongs I did.. I can't keep this up.." she ended up with a silent whimper and wiped her tears away.
"..you can't go back in the past to change. What past has passed by and it will stay within. For what you wanted to change is the start in this present, sis." I smiled softly in assured her that every thing will be alright. She looked up at me and what came out from her lips next was leaving me a big blow at my facade, "..you so lucky Tisyia."
And like a taboo for those words, memories that I wished to throw away replayed back in my head.
..the fight.
That brutal man..
The fact that I was that- man's offspring..
..the knife he took to kill mom. That motion that almost hit the woman whom gave birth to me..
The way mom hold my tiny body and ran as fast as she could. Away from that man.
Instanly, my blood boiled in anger- it was one proved point that I am still the same girl that had the same blood with that man, so called 'blood relative father' was anger. But thank to my instinct- I kept every anger swallowed inside painfully. I clenched my fists, "..everyone is not perfect, sis.."
Please say no more, Aishah. You not the only one who was in distress.
"But you really are lucky Tisyia.. You have mom to comfort with an loving with."
The woman I loved. The woman that protected me and the only person who could stand by herself alone to raise me.
Miserable and alone always there inside of me whenever I watched my mother's back turned away to go to work- to find money just for me. What's more heart breaking- she always comforting and caress me in her arms no matter how busy she was.
Everything was for me.
And it made me felt all alone for some reason- heart breaking to be exact.
I cried so much. It was so sad realizing that my family slowly torn apart by that man.
But then everything changed when my mother met my sister's father.
I was scared of him at first, very much. He looked cold at first, stoic cold. But ever since my mother friend with him, he started (Well.. More likely TRIED) to be closer with me, or play with me. (Failed miserably at first)
When those wonderful memories played in my head. I smiled to myself.
I still remembered how awkward my current daddy held me in his arms. He looked stiff and don't know what to do next that made my mother laughed at the sight.
"..Tisyia?" My sister noticed when my face changed from dark to bright expressions. I looked at her for the moment, then smiled, "It's like what I said Aishah.."
"Having a baby brother?" I looked up at my mother and hold her big tummy where tiny little baby Danial was inside. My mother smiled, "He will be born, Tisyia." She caress my head again.
"..Everything happens for a reason.." I continued smiling.
"Shis..! Twisha..!" The four year old Danial exclaimed and flail his arms to get our attentions. I smiled at him and let out my pinky finger so that he can hold mine. Danial Hakim. Our baby mischievous little brother- our only bridge and a symbol of our united family.
"..Good or bad. There will have a reason, sis. We live for Allah." Finally I said. I looked up at her when she didn't reply anything. We didn't say anything next except exchanging our good nights after that and went off to beds.
Until the next day.
After saying goodbyes to the rest of my friends (Dania, Alya, Aniq and Adib) which they were hanging out at my place once again, (Not that I mind.) My sister finally back home from college.
"Was it your friends just now?" She asked first. I nodded. Her small smile craved to her lips then she hugged me, it caught me by surprise.
"Thank you,"
"For what?"
"For be there for me,"
I smiled, "Its what family for."
No matter how bad or good the event can be, we always keep holding on. And from that moment, I finally knew my reason to be in live on this world.
If you felt like you don't have the reason to live- then just hold on for a little more. Because Allah is always merciful and show you a way or gave an answer in either way. :) I'm posting this.. to share my experience and opinion for life. No mean of anything. Just wishing that everyone to hear this. This valuable advice. :)
And this is real.
Sorry for my really bad grammars. I care less for the moment about that.
`` Trisyia. //
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